Solved Game

I'd hoped I wouldn't have to do this...

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 03:52:31 GMT

But you've left me no choice.

Yes. A bake sale. I will be making rounds, and I'm confident you won't be so foolish as to refuse.

CALLING ALL BUTTON SURVIVORS

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 01:26:43 GMT

I know that this is an extremely difficult and chaotic situation for everyone involved. What we are dealing with now is one of the greatest disasters buttonkind has faced in recent decades, but just as the button community banded together under the trying circumstances of the thread shortage in late May, and the horrifying catastrophe that was the Great Nirata Factory Fire of 2004, I assure you, we can make it through this.

To that end, I'm creating this post for survivors to check in. Leave a comment with your name, to let others know that you're safe and where you've been relocated, and if you're looking for anyone, comment with their name, description, and last known wherabouts.

And don't panic, of course.

To all buttons, displaced by fire or simply seeking freedom from your cruel and oppressive masters, know this! We will survive! And Varon is making his way through emergency housing, so if you need shelter, go to him.

Edit: Given that none of the humans appear to be as clever or competent as I am, and have not yet established their own method of finding other survivors, I'll extend this post to the human population of our school as well. Just remember: this is a BUTTON SAFE SPACE. If you oppress the buttons, you will be banned.

ATTENTION EVERYONE

Sun, 18 Sep 2005 23:46:13 GMT

Stressed out from packing for a camping trip?

Losing sleep because your brother has abandoned you to certain doom alone in the woods?

Disturbed by memes suggesting that your siblings want to "take your relationship to the next level"?

Suffering from headaches due to a massively overinflated sense of self-worth?

Traumatized by the idea of Kaiba giving out book recommendations?

Have so many deep-seated issues you can't sleep more than two hours a night, and spend all of your time twitching, bickering, and making obsessive corrections to other people's comments?

FEAR NO MORE! THERE IS AN ANSWER!

It has come to my attention that many, many of the students on our lovely campus are currently suffering from severe mental issues. Therefore, I feel that it is my duty as a compassionate member of our community to offer my services -- at a very reasonable rate, naturally, ~~as cardboard is expensive these days~~ -- to help those of you who are currently in pain. Whatever your problem, be it acceptance issues, depression, anxiety, extreme phobias of mundane objects, delusions of grandeur, sexual dysfunction, anger management, histrioniscism, substance abuse, stress reduction, a persecution complex, daddy issues, or any other of the myriad neuroses currently afflicting certain members of our student body, you will be able to find my attractive cardboard stand in the courtyard by the campus bookstore.

For a tiny fee, I will help you work through your issues, so that you can live a happier, freer, and more successful life. I hope that all of you feel that you can come to me, now matter what your reason is, and that together we can work to solve your problems.

I realize that many of the people who need this service most are too deeply entangled in their problems to accept that they need help, and therefore I would encourage anyone who has a friend, family member, student, or even professor who requires my assistance to please, please, direct them to me.

Mental issues are often much more severe than you realize, so don't hesitate a moment longer to get the help that you need.